And my writing? Well it's not where I want it either. Not where I thought it could be. I don't have a lot of followers. I don't have many likes or comments on my work. I wasn't picked for the blog jobs or the speaker spots. And the books? Not getting the notice I had hoped for. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I expected to be famous, but I look around at all the other writers I see and I feel like I did back in high school-on the outside looking in. This morning I was thinking about my post for today and the only title I could think of was "When all seems lost." But I had nothing beyond that. So in a sigh I set aside the computer and started another search for potential churches. If you've visited here before, you'll know that since the move we've been looking for a place to call our worship home. I hate it. Church shopping sucks.
But there's one we've looked at and mulled over and on a whim we decided to give it a shot. Boy am I glad we did. Holy Hannah, it was GOOD. I'm not talking just a sermon that gives you the warm fuzzies, I'm talking a pastor who is real and down to earth and asks for forgiveness for a misstep he took. No really, like he got in front of the congregation, said something he did that was wrong, and asked for forgiveness. Brave? Uh huh. Even more so-humble. When I took the kids to children's church, the girl showing me the ropes was seriously about the sweetest thing I've ever met. She had a light inside her that didn't dim. And as I rocked the babe in the cry room, listening to the sermon from this man who had repented and asked forgiveness of his people, I cried. Messy tears-kids. Because he reminded me that this whole thing-it's not about me.
He called us mammas who stand in the trenches of dirty diapers and climbing toddlers rock-stars in the Hall of Fame of Heaven. He called us who go to work each day and live our life in Jesus names, blessed. He reinforced that each one of us-no matter our job or title or the amount in our bank account-we're each just as worthy to Christ, because he calls us his own. At one point he pulled up this quote from A. W. Tozer:
"God does not think of you because you are worthy. He thinks of you because he is God and you are a fixture in his mind."
|Photo by Bob Hall|
That, that right there? That's where it's at. Let me bring that on home for you. Those of you who are parents-what is constantly on your mind? Your kids, right? I tell my students all the time to be where their feet are, but no matter where I'm standing, my kids are always there, nestled in the back-a permanent fixture. Now, I've got four and that's a lot of space occupied. Can you imagine what that is to God? Me neither. But what a thought-of all the people in and of this world, you, yes YOU occupy a fixture in God's mind. He has a permanent place shaped like you right there in his mind for you.
And by living in him, wrapped in his grace, you are called beloved. And you are worth it. Living as an example to your kids or coworkers or your neighbor across he street. You are worth it.
Individually we all suck. We're humans wrapped up in this world of ours just begging to be noticed. But in Him, we're wrapped up tight in grace. Are we still going to screw up? Yep. Will we still feel like we're on the outskirts looking in, just waiting to be noticed? Some days we might. But when it all comes down to it-the invites don't matter. The conferences that I miss, yeah I wish I could have been there to build that community. But in the end, I've got my picture in the Hall of Fame, y'all. I'm livin' the dream, rockin' the job and the mom gig like nobody's business. Because I'm learning not to do it for me, but for Him.
How about you? Are you sitting on the outside looking in? Or are you choosing to rock the Hall of Fame?