I saw a shirt the other day that said “Adoption is the new pregnant”. In a way, it cracked me up. That’s right-one up for us infertile girls! We were adoption before adoption was cool. But it also kind of makes me sad. It’s kind of like saying “Whatev, I totally adopted so I’m good on this whole fad.” Okay, maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but really, when did adoption become the thing to do to make yourself look good? I swear every time I turn around I see a magazine with the latest celebrity and their newest family member via the magic of a social worker and a load of cash. And quite frankly, it terrifies me. Here’s why:
Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is a wonderful blessing. But it also ins’t something that every one can do. Now don’t get me wrong-I’m not trying to play myself up because I’ve adopted and don’t want to let every one into the cool club. That’s not it at all. The truth is that adoption is painstaking, it is dangerous to your heart, and even when you think you are totally prepared, that you have everything in order and you’ve anticipated all the hiccups and changes that could possibly happen: you’re knocked flat back on your hynie again. Why? Because it’s not just your family and your heart that your working with. Regardless of the age of the child that comes into your home-there’s a whole lot ‘o baggage that joins them. And it is so difficult to guard your heart as you try to protect theirs. The funny thing is, I’ve actually been told that I had kids “the easy way”. Yup, going through the infertility treatments, the charting, the exams, then the paper pregnancy, working through loss and grieving with my child over the mommy they want (the birth mom) as opposed to the one they have (me), trying to break horrid habits that were initiated before I even knew my child existed, battling attachment issues and absolutely insane tantrums because my child’s heart and head are so confused they didn’t know what else to do-yeah, that was wayyyyy easier than getting knocked up and watching my body change. Totally.
And there are a lot of rumors floating around out there. I don’t know how many times this week I’ve seen or read an article that proclaims all the myths associated with adoption are just that: myths. Well, the reality is that just isn’t always true. The human heart changes and evolves and as it does, so does the system and the opportunities with adoption. We waited over a year for our daughter to be placed with us, two more for the twins, and I know of other couples who have waited 5, or even 12! With all the kiddos out there who are searching for their forever home, I just don’t understand the delay. And I don’t think I ever will.
But aside from all the heartache and the complications, there is still always that little voice in the back of your head. You know the one, the little voice that tells you there’s always another out there that needs a home. Or that you really would be a good mommy from birth through the rest of their life. And by golly, it looked so easy when Sandra Bullock did it! So what am I saying? Adopt? Don’t adopt? No, not either. I guess I’m saying that if you think it is an option for you, you need to hit your knees sister. Get your jeans dusty and your heart shined up as you send some words to the man upstairs. Because if you’re going to make it through infertility, or adoption, or life in general, you’re going to need some help. Because adoption is cool, it’s amazing actually, and in my mind, it’s no less miraculous than giving birth.