Today is day two of National Infertility Awareness Week and last night I had the pleasure of being a part of a Twitter chat focused on infertility. Never in my life, until I started this blog have I found the sense of support and sisterhood surrounding my own struggles. During the main portion of the chat, we were asked to give one positive word since our diagnosis, and one negative word, that describe our personal journey.
My positive word was survivor. As I laid in bed last night and reflected on my response I wondered if I was being a self-serving. After all, PCOS and endo wasn’t going to kill me. So could I really call myself a survivor? You bet your bottom dollar I can. See, the physical manifestations weren’t going to take me out, but the emotional ones threatened to more than once. And when I think about the word survivor, there are so many things that come to mind: Some one who has faced a great battle, and rose to overcome. Some one who has lost all, and still gets up every morning. A woman who has faced her demons and come out on top-battle bruised and bleeding-but still breathing.
My husband, who has been my rock through this whole season, tells me I’m brave. And that I’m strong. I love that. He couldn’t give me two better adjectives to make me feel better. I love what those words look like. I picture a woman, standing on the edge of a cliff, the wind whipping her hair and threatening to push her back. But she cannot be moved. There is an unknown beyond those rocks, and she has to make it to the other side of that crater. The journey wont be easy, and her burden is far from light, but she is brave enough and strong enough to push through. I love it so much, that he thinks of me this way, that I thought of having the letters B and S intertwining and tattooed or made into a piece of jewelry so that I would always remember his faith in me. But then I realized that it would say BS, and I thought: Probably not. 🙂
I have scars, physical and emotional, but I’m still here. I’m a survivor. I am brave, and I am strong. As you face your own journey, through infertility or just life in general, what’s your positive word? Who is your rock that helps you face each morning and cross each great divide?