Dear Sister of My Heart,
As I write this I ponder the right words to say to you, as I know that you are out there, waiting in the midst of your struggle, and searching for the hope, strength, or even desire to go on. I don’t know your battles, but I recognize your scars. I see them in my heart, through the pain in your eyes, and on my body, a possible mirror to your own now or to what will come. I’ll not pretend to understand your pain, for each of us grieves differently and we each face our own demons.
But I do know what it feels like to see yet another pregnant woman, when your pregnancy test has come back negative. I know the pain of holding that babe with the new baby smell, and knowing that it is not your own. I feel the frustration of watching a child cling to their mother, and knowing that there is no one to cling to you for that peace and reassurance that only a mother can give. I remember the ever present waiting room, as you fret over what news your doctor will have, what tests she’ll want to run, in what way you’ll be poked, prodded and observed, with always the same result. I know what it feels like to make that final decision, the one that says you’re done-your body, mind and spirit can’t take another step. That release and almost freedom you feel in the knowledge that you don’t have to wonder any more-that possibility has past. And I know that shock to your whole being that comes when that reality fully sinks in.
So I’m writing this letter to you, dear sister. To let you know that you’re not alone. That even though you’ve been tested and feel as if you’ve been found wanting-you’re not. You are perfect in every way. It’s not your fault. You haven’t found yourself in this place due to something you’ve done or neglected to do. Your not facing this road because of your past or your present. And you don’t have to face this on your own. There is a whole sisterhood of us out here, and you are welcome to join our ranks. We will be your shoulder to cry on, your pillow to scream into, and the ear to listen when you need to vent. But most of all I’m writing this letter to tell you that you are loved, and that no matter where your journey takes you, I’m praying for peace in your heart.
Stay well, dear sister.
All my love,