Monday, April 8, 2013

Sister of My Heart

Dear Sister of My Heart,

As I write this I ponder the right words to say to you, as I know that you are out there, waiting in the midst of your struggle, and searching for the hope, strength, or even desire to go on. I don't know your battles, but I recognize your scars. I see them in my heart, through the pain in your eyes, and on my body, a possible mirror to your own now or to what will come. I'll not pretend to understand your pain, for each of us grieves differently and we each face our own demons.

But I do know what it feels like to see yet another pregnant woman, when your pregnancy test has come back negative. I know the pain of holding that babe with the new baby smell, and knowing that it is not your own. I feel the frustration of watching a child cling to their mother, and knowing that there is no one to cling to you for that peace and reassurance that only a mother can give. I remember the ever present waiting room, as you fret over what news your doctor will have, what tests she'll want to run, in what way you'll be poked, prodded and observed, with always the same result. I know what it feels like to make that final decision, the one that says you're done-your body, mind and spirit can't take another step. That release and almost freedom you feel in the knowledge that you don't have to wonder any more-that possibility has past. And I know that shock to your whole being that comes when that reality fully sinks in.

So I'm writing this letter to you, dear sister. To let you know that you're not alone. That even though you've been tested and feel as if you've been found wanting-you're not. You are perfect in every way. It's not your fault. You haven't found yourself in this place due to something you've done or neglected to do. Your not facing this road because of your past or your present. And you don't have to face this on your own. There is a whole sisterhood of us out here, and you are welcome to join our ranks. We will be your shoulder to cry on, your pillow to scream into, and the ear to listen when you need to vent. But most of all I'm writing this letter to tell you that you are loved, and that no matter where your journey takes you, I'm praying for peace in your heart.

Stay well, dear sister.

All my love,
~M

6 comments:

  1. I needed to read this so badly at the moment. My best friend - the boys brother and his girlfriend - are expecting and I'm finding it terribly difficult having to be there for them when I want to crawl in to my hole until after all this is done. We've been trying for over a year now and it hurts so much when someone gets pregnant by mistake and yet we're here trying so hard, so desperately. I've been quite strong over the last few weeks but today is a bad day... It's like you knew! xxx

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    1. Oh Shireen,
      I'm so sorry! I wish we could sit down over a cup of coffee and just chat. Keep the faith love, you're not alone. I'm sending lots of hugs from across the pond!
      xoxo
      ~M

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  2. I am so glad to have read this because I have been trying for a family for over 3 and a half years, its almost 4 years now and its been so heartbreaking. My brother had a baby in January and I have found it so hard, he just doesn't understand and I have been grieving my fertility. My heart sinks every time someone else announces they are pregnant and I feel I want to give up. x

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    1. Samantha~
      My heart breaks for you, love. I know just how difficult it is to try and be happy for some one else's pregnancy/baby when you're so heartbroken at your own fertility. Don't give up, sweet sister. You are not alone! Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want to chat, vent or just want some one to listen who understands.
      Sending lots of love,
      ~M

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