I’m not one to think of myself as “meditating” on a certain phrase, verse or mantras. I guess I’ve never really thought of focusing on something in those terms, though I am a very focused person. I focus on my goals, the tasks at hand, my desires, my fears, my worries, my anxieties, and the list goes on. I focus. I don’t meditate. I am a straight line, no deviations, not a lot of grey sort of girl. But lately, the last few months really, there have been a couple things that have seemed to be placed on my heart.
See, the last few years I’ve been in places physically that I haven’t necessarily wanted to be. They didn’t meet the needs I wanted met, either career wise, family wise, or even shopping wise, and I haven’t felt “settled” in a long time. Part of that I think comes from uprooting our family, leaving the home we own and placing it on the market, to enter the world of renting in a town unfamiliar to us. Where we didn’t know if we were going to stay, and still don’t. I don’t like not being settled. The hubs and I have joked many times that we’re nomads. We seem to move a lot never really chained down to one place. And initially, that was alright. Until recently then moving means not just new jobs, but new schools, new day cares and babysitters, new vehicles and just generally situations where it’s not so easy to bounce back to where we were.
It’s been unsettling, to say the least. But for some reason, my typical need to be in control tendencies haven’t been so freakish. I find the words “just be” circling through my mind, and echoing in my heart. I’ve found peace in knowing that I am here, in this less than tropical rainforest knowing that there is a reason for my presence, and I’m okay with just being here. This zen-like feeling is new for me. I’m always looking for the next move, the next jump and opportunity relaxing in the “be” is a strange new place for me. But I’m doing it. And I’m kind of proud of myself. So I guess you could say I’ve been meditating on that.
Then this morning I woke up with a segment of this Casting Crowns song in my mind. I will praise you in this storm has been running through my head since I first opened my eyes, and I realized something: I’m not good praising in the storm. Praying? Yes. Begging, pleading and wheeling deals? You bet. But praising? Um, not so much. But the lyrics wouldn’t leave. Again and again they filtered into my thoughts and I finally found myself wondering if maybe I should pay attention. My life has lots of stressors, just like any life. Though I’m feeling pretty peaceful right now, I definitely have some storms brewing. I mean, I’m a mom. Need I say more? And that house that we put up for sale? It’s still on the market. Has been for over 2 years. Just dropped the price another $10k. Those are some uneven waters to sail on. When I was born, my parents had a ranch in Southern Oregon. When we moved the put the ranch on the market. There it stayed for 15 years. Yep, you read that right. Not 1, not 5, 15 years. Every day I pray please God, don’t let this by my ranch. And we just lost our renter. Sigh. So yeah, I guess just like everyone else, I’ve got some storms.
This summer I watched a LOT of the summer Olympics. I had just had a hysterectomy and salpingo-oopherectomy, so I wasn’t doing a lot of heavy lifting or really any moving for that matter. In other words, I spent a lot of quality time with my couch. Anyway, I was so very, very impressed with our little gymnast dynamo, Gabby Douglas. This powerhouse wasn’t only strong in her legs (Have you seen gymnast’s legs? Those muscles are insane) but she was strong in her faith as well. I remember at one point during an interview she remarked of her relationship with God that “It’s kind of a win-win situation. The glory goes up to Him and the blessings fall down on me.” Um, yeah. Makes sense. How old is this kid again?
I betcha Gabby hasn’t won all of her meets. I bet she’s fallen off of the balance beams, hit her head on the bars, and tripped on a landing. She’s been under the stress of cameras and the whole nation watching. And you know what she does? She gives praise.
Recently my kiddo was doing a project on perseverance and asked me for a song example. So I told her the story behind It Is Well With My Soul. Do you know the story? It goes something like this: the author, Horatio G. Spafford had done pretty well with his life. He and his wify had 5 beautiful children, he ran a successful business, and life in general was good. And then tragedy struck. Their only son contracted scarlet fever, and was lost. He was only 4. Then, during the great fire in Chicago the Spafford’s, like multiple other families, lost multiple land holdings and in such, much of their financial stability. Yet they rose out of the ashes and became a support to their friends and neighbors. Not long after the fire the family was set to sail to England. Though Horatio had planned to attend the voyage, he was called away on an emergency and sent his wife and daughters along without him, surrounded by multiple friends. Out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, the ship encountered troubles and quickly sank, leaving Horatio’s wife Anna as one of the few survivors. His daughters were lost to the waves of the sea, even the babe, torn from her mother’s arms. Days later, as Horatio passed over the very spot where his family ties were so severely severed, he penned the words to one of the most famous hymns of all time. Talk about praising in the storm.
So I’m working on it. I’m trying to learn to just be where I am placed, knowing there is a reason. And you want to know what I think that reason is? Probably that little person who will make his/her first appearance here in a month. Had we never moved to Twilightville, we would have never met the amazing friends who have put us in the place for this adoption. Sometimes hindsight really is 20/20. As for praising in the storm, I’m working on it. I’m not very good at it, but I’m giving it a shot. And really, I think that’s all we can ever really do.