This is not the post I sat down to write. I was going to share with you a video that I watched this morning on Facebook, and how it impacted me. But that’s not where my heart is leading me. Instead, I need to talk to you about hope. About love. About facing our struggles and confronting our past. But most of all, I need to talk to you about forgiveness.
I was raised in the church. We attended services and raised our hands during praise and worship. I learned what it was to be a “good Christian girl” and I tried to live that life. But what I also saw was judgment. I was raised in a very conservative and pro-life family. I’m am still tied to those roots in so many ways, and am still of the opinion that life begins at conception. But….
But I’ve also seen how women who have had abortions are treated by so many at in the church. I’ve also seen the picketing and hate hurled by “Christians” who say they are acting under the Father’s name. And I am reminded that in His eyes, each act carries no more weight of injustice an another. And I’m called, my heart aching and my eyes flooding, to show love to women who are hurting.
I cannot bear children. I am not and will never be able to feel my child move within me. And for a time, I was jealous of women who could and chose to end that life. But jealousy is a callous and dangerous emotion. For a time I was bitter at women who made the decision to end their pregnancy, countering the argument of “It’s my body” with “What of the body of your child?”. Do I still believe this, that the unborn is truly a life, not a choice to be made? Yes, I do. But I also understand that there are times when each of us feels pushed beyond the brink. To where we cannot make another step due to the burden that is placed on our shoulders and the struggle that envelops us makes it so hard to breath that we will take any option that seems viable. And I know, that often choices made in that place, will have a lasting affect on our hearts and create wounds and scars on our souls. There is a multitude of research and personal stories that show that women who have had an abortion have a lasting pain, an impetrating ache that lasts with them for life. That though they recognize forgiveness may come, they have to also learn to forgive themselves.
My question is this: how can we call ourselves compassionate, how can we call ourselves missionaries of the Father if we choose to love the others around us, but create even deeper wounds for those who are hurting the most? How is it ok to continue to judge and increase the heartache of a childless mother, who made one choice that changed her life forever? The answer is that it’s not. It’s not ok. And my heart is calling to you now.
If you are hurting, please know you are not alone. If you have had an abortion and feel the waves of pain and regret crashing upon you, please contact me or some one else whom you trust. There can be joy brought from your scars. There is grace in the ashes of your broken heart, and forgiveness in His midst. You are my sister, and I love you.
Please feel free to link up your Beauty in the Ashes & Grace in the Journey post!
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