I have a dear friend, Kelly, who lost her sweet babe too soon. She has worked through the pain and grief, and in doing so has opened her heart to help other mammas and families who are also experiencing a loss that no parent should ever have to face. She could be bitter about it. She could choose to let the pain rule her heart and overtake her world. It would have been easy to do. But instead she chose love. Love that encompassed the sweet boy she sent back to heaven. Love to transfer to help heal the pain of those around her. And she is all the more strong and beautiful for it. Even when it makes her weary. Even when it breaks her heart. Because sometimes we are called to do what is the most difficult. Sometimes we are called to work and love in an area that causes us pain, but shows love to others. (Click here to read more about Kelly’s story and here to learn about Hope Mommies)
When I chose to go to nursing school my hope was to work in an infertility clinic. At that point I had no idea how profound an effect infertility would have on my own life. I was only just beginning to look into our own baby plan, and the pain and heartbreak that would plague us was only starting to become a concern. But I knew how incredible it would be to be able to help women and couples fulfill their dreams of parenthood. And I knew that I could have the compassion and empathy to sit with them when the test results came back as a “No”. Now more than ever, after this long and exhausting road of test, trials and surgery my desire to work in this role and serve others in this capacity is overwhelming. Unfortunately I have yet to live in a place where I can do so, but I’m hoping God uses my new job as an opportunity to bring more awareness to infertility, even though some days it seems too much to go through all those emotions and heartbreak again.
Because even though I’m 12 years in and all final steps have been taken, some days it’s still hard.
Some days I hear of a new treatment or trial and wonder if things could have been different. But they’re not, and they never will be. I read recently that God my not quiet the storm around the child, but he will quiet the child during the storm. I know that he has given me this storm so that I can reach out to others. And I know that through the crashing wind and rain, he has held me tight and made me stronger so that I can help comfort others through their storm. Even when it hurts. Because sometimes we’re called to serve where it most breaks our heart.