Here we are, its Friday! I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for the biggest party of the week. She gives this amazing and crazy group of women a prompt, we write for 5 minutes, sans edits and let it out for the world to see. Please, come join the party!
When I was in high school I competed on our speech and debate team. (I know, right? I actually WON STUFF for not keeping my mouth shut. It was really the best place for me to be 🙂 Anywho, I competed and in doing so I met other kids from all over the state. One fellow competitor and I became really good friends, and I always knew that she was going to be on her game when she showed up in what we affectionately called her “Power Suit”. It was a red, knee length dress, nipped at all the right places, that coupled with her pale complexion and her dark eyes and hair, made her the competitive equivalent of the atom bomb. No one could touch her. Thankfully we competed in different events, so I didn’t have to worry about going head to head with her, but to this day, every time I see a red dress I think of her.
It’s funny how our memories do that. Colors or music, even smells can take us back to a time or place that may have been long forgotten. And boy those high school years were a day or two ago. I’ve since lost touch with that friend. I found her once on Myspace, but have lost her again in this sea of changes and life transformations. But I wonder if she still has that dress. I wonder if she still feels like she could take on the world when she puts it on. Do you ever feel like that? Like just slipping into something formidable, but made of cotton could give you the power to conquer any mountain, boardroom or toddler tantrum?
Right now I’m feeling anything but formidable. It’s not like I need to take down any fierce competition out there. Except for maybe myself. It’s funny, sitting on this couch with my babe sleeping and the three oldest at work, there doesn’t seem to be a battle anywhere near me. But if you could see my heart, you’d know different. Those pesky insecurities have a way of lining my soul with lies, and of late they’ve done a good job. I wonder if I’m good enough. I see compliments and comments to others and the bitter seeds of jealousy suddenly spring up out of nowhere, even when I know that I too am deeply happy for that other person. And yet, those feelings of inadequacy are still there. I’m not looking for compliments or accolades, please don’t get me wrong. I guess I’m just looking for my power suit. I know it’s around here somewhere, and I’m pretty sure that in my heart, it’s red.
Stop. (I usually do pretty good, but this may be slightly more than 5 minutes worth)