I took a sharp intake of breath through my clenched teeth. The words were unkind. Untruthful. Hurtful. And sharp as a knife. I pressed the little X at the top of the screen and bowed my head.
Jesus hear my prayer…
All day I stewed. Wondering of any truth in the phrases. Any honesty in the painful link of consonants and vowels. This is not where I had planned to be. Not where I had hoped to be. Not where all the years of work and toil had been supposed to lead.
But here I was, non the less.
I texted my hubby for support. I messaged my sister for encouragement. But all their words and expressions didn’t quell the turmoil in my spirit. I opened my bible and my study. Neither seemed to share the words or emotions that would balm my injured feelings.
Some days are just hard. Some people are just harder. And some lives are full of hurting that don’t know where to stop until they bring others down. These are things out of my control.
But happiness? Now that’s a different story. When I was in beauty school I had a teacher named Peggy. She was amazing. This woman who seemed to let everything negative just roll off her shoulders. She didn’t fester it, like me. She didn’t hold onto it like a knife and a right. She gave a little toss of her Cola-Black hair and smiled. Then she’d say “Happiness is a choice.”
That simple. It’s a choice. You have to choose it.
Standing at the sink another influential woman came to mind. Dr. Odem was my clinical instructor twice during nursing school. She is a tiny little thing with a snappy haircut and a twinkle in her eyes. I learned so much from her, but perhaps the the thing that stuck with me the most was to give it up. No, I don’t mean call it quits-not totally anyway. But give it UP. As in, it’s not yours to deal with, so give it to the one in who owns it.
Then there was last Sunday, when we talked about perseverance. And the knowledge that it’s usually when you’re doing something right that all hell breaks loose. Maybe that’s what’s happening. Or maybe it’s just a bad day. Either way I’ve got two choices: Happiness or bitterness. Burdens or freedom.
Tonight I’m choosing this: