I stood at the counter, the sun radiating off the crystals in the stone, the ones hiding beneath the bread crumbs and spilled milk. The knife sliced cleanly through the upper crust of the bread, fresh from the oven and formed by my hands. I had flour on my pants and the babe had transferred much of the remaining flour from the bin to the floor.
The twins were playing in the living room in the over sized boxes from the microwave. Bot Bot was downstairs, her music blaring while she read on her bed.
“It’s a good life.” I told him, my man standing beside me, pouring over the directions to install the dishwasher.
I could feel his smile as he wrapped his arms around me from behind and dropped a kiss on my neck, right below where the longest wisps of my hair sway. “It is.” he agreed.
This is not the typical picture of our life. It is not the calm serenity of a Norman Rockwell. It has been hard, this life of parenthood. In the last 6 and a half years we went from childless to now a 14 year old, twin 7 year olds and a nearly 2 year old.
We have fought spiritual battles of inequity and loss. We’ve opened the doors of our home to family not of our blood, but of our childrens’. We have cried over diagnosis and the behaviors that they create. We have held each other’s hands through rages brought on by Reactive Attachment Disorder and plain old heartache. We have prayed over our family, our home, this life.
It has been hard.
Some days it feels too hard. As if this life we were called to is more than we can manage. But it is worth it.
I find it ironic that May holds not only Mother’s Day, but is also National Foster Care Month. For years I grieved Mother’s Day. It was not a blessing to me, it was a reminder of my barren body and our empty home. Yet there are so many children who grieve this day as well. Babes without moms and dads and a home to call their own. The amount of children waiting for homes leaves me breathless. And those who age out of foster care, with no one-not a place to go on the holidays, not a parent to call when life seems too hard-this leaves me heartbroken.