I sat on the phone, listening to the principal who doesn’t know us, doesn’t know him, tell me about the latest indiscretions in music class. I held my breath for a minute, wondering how much I should divulge. Just what should she know about this child I call mine who has lived through trama. He has battle scars, but they don’t show in ways that all would see and I wonder, just how much do I tell?
I don’t want my child to be labeled. I don’t want the world to look at him and see a string of letters and determine that he is one way before ever getting to know him. Because he is not. He is a child. A child who has survived. And that counts for something.
I did give her some details. Not many but enough to cause silence on the end of the line, followed by a slow and steady Ooohhhh. And she got it. She understood at least a little of this war that we face each day. Battles drawn in the sand and marked with sweat and tears.
Today was another call. This one where we made a stand and were wholly supported. You see, children have anniversary dates too. Days when trauma is revisited and the behaviors mark a fight or flight responce they may not even notice. There may be no recognition at all on thier part that they are grieving or anxiously awaiting the same tribulation that happened before. And I am watching this now. As we enter the time frame of loss and abandonment, I see him ununravel.
And it’s not his fault. It is not of his doing on a consious level. It is the nature of his brain and of his heart. And I will wait for the calm after the storm to gather him close and pick up the pieces and pray for a peace to keep all our eyes above the water.
Because we have this hope as an anchor. And though it holds us here, steadfast in the chaos of this world, one day it will be let loose and we will be free. To a place where there is no fear, no tears. Where the anniversary dates don’t matter. Where the old hurts are just a distant memory. And there will be no lables or explanations, because all will be at peace.
Let thy Kingdom come……
Please excuse any errors, this was written from my phone.