I’ve been working hard this summer, in this period that is supposed to be a time of rest. I’m editing and rewriting truths and goals and things I’ve held close to me. Final drafts have become rough drafts. Goals have been re-evaluated and finances pulled tight. I’m working for change. Change in my life. Change in my heart. And change in this world.
It is a weary task, working for change. No matter how big or small, change is hard and the dichotomy of old and new often clash and work against each other. I get tired. I get cranky. I wish for an easier way. But that old statement rings true: the things that are worth it never come easy.
There have been days when the discouragement runs deep and I don’t want to set another goal, because it seems like I’ll never reach the finish line. My mind plays a battle with me.
Am I good enough?
Am I worth it?
Does it mean as much to others as it does to me?
Will it make a difference?
The enemy is a sly and dangerous voice in the back of my head. He pulls and tugs, drawing my attention away from what matters. From the work I’ve done and what is important. He takes the God-sized dreams lain on my heart and tries to twist them from truth, pushing them back on me and causing doubt.
But the reality is that he’s a liar. The truth rings true that God-sized dreams are put on our hearts for a reason and by a hand much stronger than our own. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, quite the opposite, because when we are doing good and striving to make change, that is when we’re the most vulnerable.
Other voices fill our heads. The voices of those who don’t see or don’t believe or even worse-those who are afraid to see us succeed. The old hurts of past transgressions come to the surface and threaten to drag us under.
I’ve been struggling with these voices. They pull at the back of my mind, threatening to take over. They are enticing, promising rest from work that is difficult. But they draw the light away from the reason that I am working.
On Sunday this chorus rang out and the words struck home. My passion is to bring Him joy and fame. My work will lead to His glory. My desire is to draw others close to Him, to show them His love. To save lives. With this as my backing, who can stand against me?
No one. Not a single person or voice or memory. Because He is stronger than them all. And He’s there for you too. For your God-sized dream. The one sitting in the back corner of your heart, afraid to come front and center. He is there, holding you up when you want to fall back. He is waiting. Waiting to for you to use the gifts you’ve been given, the ones that fill your soul with fire.
It’s a hard thing, letting Him lead. But it is a beautiful journey when we travel together.