It’s Friday! Come on over and join the fun at Kates.
At 34 years old I’m supposed to have found myself. Right now it feels like all I’m finding are lost shoes and toys and the missing pieces of puzzles and the ingredients for dinner. I’ve worked hard in this life to build a career. Schooling and papers and giving presentations filled a great deal of my time. I flitted from major to major to vocation and back to major again.
I teach to students who seem to have found their way, or at least think they know what they’re looking for. But it doesn’t seem enough. It feels like I’m still looking. Not just for the next best but for the true fulfillment of a calling. I want to make a difference and I’ve been working hard at being content where I am. Even if it’s not where I feel I’m called to be.
With the latest releases of the Planned Parenthood videos, I am heartsick and body sick and my hopes to make a difference and a change are headed to the fforefront again. I want to find ways to serve, and ways to help women find an little bit of hope and an opportunity to see a future where one seems bleak.
I’ve had this dream. This vision in my head that took root before I can even remember. I want to open a home for pregnant girls. I can see a big old house with many rooms upstairs. Hardwood floors with a bassinet in one corner and an old vanity in the other. Downstairs is a full kitchen where the girls can learn to cook and care for their little family. In the big overstuffed chairs of the living room we’ll hold classes on lactation and nutrition, parenting and delivery. Midwives and doulas will build relationships with the residents and help them prepare for delivery. Our staff members would assist with finding jobs and daycare and permanent places to live. We’d link them with WIC and providers and a spirit of hope. We’d share love and Jesus.
But it is only a vision and not yet rooted in belief. It’s still a prayer in my heart and a hope in my spirit. I don’t know if it will ever come to fruition, though I hope it does. Right now is a time of prayer and longing. Of hoping and dreaming. Of waiting and seeking in hopes that I find what is meant to be.