I watched him swing out and up, his little legs flying through the air as the fair ride pushed him forward and around. There were only a few of them on the YoYo, making it easy to watch him and I wondered what he was thinking-his blue eyes fixed and his jaw set as the colors and lights whirled around him and Suzy-Q played in the background. My heart tugged and I heard the quite whisper. There’s a story here. And there is. A story. His story and I wonder if one day I’ll get the full of it.
I picked up and ordered home school books this week. It just got real in here, y’all. I was the girl who said I’d never home school. That had no problem with others doing it but was sure it wouldn’t be right for my family. But yesterday as I sat at the big table in my kitchen as the third grade teachers made their home visit, I was convicted once more. Yes. Home school. At least for my boy.
We are fortunate in that the school here supports us. There’s been no disapproving looks or telling stares, not that I would care anyway. We will not be swayed, even though this is likely going to be a difficult year. I’ve re-arranged work schedules and hired new sitters so I can be home during the day to teach third grade, and gone in the evenings to teach nursing. I am a bit exhausted just thinking about it. But the closer we get to the new year beginning, the more at peace I am as well.
I have nothing against teachers and I very much like the school district here. They are certainly not the reasons we made this decision, and it was a tough one to make. We’re here, in this place because we’re parents who love our kids and want the best for them. For my boy, right now, this is what’s best. Not to shy away from social interactions or school pressures-but to learn and grow from them. He is brilliant, this boy and I want him to reach that potential without the other distractions.
A friend of mine calls it home school flow and I love that. I love the fluidity and the easy pace that this conjures. We will flow together, building new connections and growing in new ways. It will give us a chance to bond in ways that we’ve never been able to, and it will help cement securities. I can see the change in him as the days approach as well. He is more at peace. Where once there was anxiety masked in anticipation, there is now peace as the new year approaches.
We will meet challenges, of this I’m sure. But I also truly believe that it will bring about a new peace to my family and our home. And as I look more into the curriculum and the opportunities it will lead into, the more I think about homeschooling them all. Time will tell on that. For now, for this year, it is a chance for the two of us learn our own flow. To ebb and change and to build on this tenuous relationship.
I may never know what he’s thinking when he’s on his own. I may never fully see the boy behind the screen. The one who flies through the air as the lights whirl around him and music blares behind us. But I’m hoping to learn more this year.